To Dream OR Not To Dream .... Well it doesn't matter because you're only going to remember 2 seconds of it anyway... [dream time = a long time]

Ahhhhh it's 03:09 [AM to be correct]
i obviously can't sleep and almost dropped my laptop while i blinked, clearly I've been drinking ..... Pepsi.[ chill dawg ] and being entertained by some old school Mariah Carey. Fantasy to be on point .... [Don't judge]

Yeah i'm going to make this snappy and short, like a overused rubber band that's just waiting to be snapped.

So lets stay focused

Bad Dreams.....what i notice with them is i have a routine on what i do after i have one. I don't know what people do in order to forget a bad dream but it's never been a good one with me. Dreams are not the most clearest thing known to man [ they have meanings.....they don't.... who knows ] but it's just something i can't put my finger on.

As always, you wake up from your scary dream and look around [ yeah in the dark, like you're going to see anything ] then i notice shit  snap am i still dreaming or awake? [ a little test pinch usually does the trick, i know not as imaginative as inception with a unique object tipping over, i get it] noticing  i'm in the dark and then i start to have a panic attack thinking that the woman from paranormal activity is coming to get me [ beside the fact I've never watched the film ]... then realised how old i am .. debating in my head how pathetic i look from 1-10 and coming up with a good reason why i should stay in bed and hide under my covers. [ MUMMY!] Then out of SOMEWHERE ... i either need to go to the toilet or go and get a drink ... so that means i need to get up in the dark either way .. and just in mind, my room isn't the most predicable place ever! [ nice terms of saying my room isn't tidy ] so like a chicken,

RANDOM THOUGHT:
I wonder if a chicken is scared do they say .. don't be a human. Something for you to think about ehh]

Continuing back to my original point.

Anyway i run to the light switch and turn on the light ... finding that my sister is waking up due to me turning on the light [great ]. So in the end i would take my covers and move my way down stairs, make something to eat [Get me some Grub!] and watch cartoons until i pass out. It's kinda hard [ understatement ] to find cartoons really really early hours in the morning!.... so i end up watching documentaries or the news [ finally found the news good for something! ] but yeah that's what usually happens when i have a bad dream.

Now i don't know where bad dreams come from.Whether it's from having a bad day, after watching scary movies [ yes because there are weird people who find it "fun" to watch scary movies.. fricking hooligans] or it's just random who halalala!  [yes you said it right the first time].I hardly ever have bad dreams but what i do believe is that dreams are just dreams .... however dreams can help you solve things in reality [ if you're thinking about them that much ].

Well i feel that this dream talk has come to an end. [Waaa waaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa] Now i didn't want to leave this blog entry empty handed [ NEVER!] so here is a picture that looks like a stereotypical dream but there is one thing that always seems to amaze me about dreams, which  is that our dreams usually always makes us into believing that we are in reality but sometime we're cleaver enough to differentiate from the two. Weird Huh?

Have a nice night!
Much Love
Nahida Umar xx

P.s - Not the only one here who gets that weird dream where you feel like your falling off a cliff and you do this weird shock movement with your body? no? cool!  It's all good then !

What is Love?

what is love? 

(so tempted to burst into the what is love song.... but i shall not)

Possible the most EASIEST question to ask but the most hardest and versatile question to answer!

[ I SHALL TELL YOU NO LIE! ]

Right in my 18 years of living....

[ 12 years that i can actually remember and the other 6 years i might as well of been hibernating] 

I have witness love in it's O'so crazy and delightful ways. People fall in love everyday. Real love? I'm not sure, but love sure does look fun on the label of the package and once opened it's hard to pack away. [ due to all the shit  stuff that comes out of it. ]

What inspired me on writing this entry was a real/fiction film/documentary called "Paper Hearts" wonderful
[ you should watch it ] and just talking about the obvious! WHAT IS LOVE?  once i finished watching it i started questioning myself   what is love to me? And whether people had the same or different view on it.

Love is something that can either be developed or is instantly there from the beginning.

examples .... I'm happy to give them :

Developed Love: You know, when you didn't like them at first but then once getting to know them gradually you start to develop feelings for them. Situations like - arrange marriages NOT forced marriages [ two different things i might add ] or close friends that turn into lovers. Strangers ---> friends---> lovers [ you get where i'm going ]

Kinda like these two love birds  fingers.....

Love From The Get Go: Love at first sight and have a instant daydream of them being together in the future, going on dates, getting married, having kids yada yada yada ! [ this one is quite rare or not true you can take your pick ]

In order to do my research and not be bias i decided to have 3 resourse. [ i sound like i'm writing an assignment ]

1. Family - who i'm constantly with
2. Friends - on Facebook or msn and other
3. Strangers i have never met in my life.

Now i didn't pick these people because i love them and only care about what they think [ oh no no no ] it was purely the fact that they were around when i needed that question to be answered. So here you go! See what others have said about love. With these people i asked, i didn't put their last names down, or changed anything that they wrote. Everything is their own. Others have common names[ like vanjeep or quensila damn you common names! ]but hopefully they know who they are. [ or just claim you're that person doesn't really matter]

Family - We were all in the room discussing what love is together, not a lot of people as i only got 3 of them

[Hassan]

love is to care for each other, to be understanding and to appreciate the well being of each other. To appreciate the fact that everyone is different and to accept their difference as they are.

[Hanifa]

Love is the emotion that two people share. It has to be unconditional, unrestricted, and is undeniable. I've learnt that love is not all about infatuation or lust but more about the warmth you have for the person in your heart. True Love is when two people stick together through the good and bad times.The one who loves you will always think of you first, be patient and do their very best to understand you. ( and don't forget.... they give you the best kisses  ) 

[Mum]

something special, you care, be there for one another, go through ups and downs to be there for each other no matter what.

Friends and lovers - whether it was on msn,Facebook or any other interaction 

[Becca]

for me, its feeling like you have found the other half of you, like you're complete, and nothing can be better than being with them.

[Kristy]

erm...i'd say love is... having that one person who is always there. They know what your thinking before you say it. they know how you feel before you do, know matter how bad you treat them or what you say, they're still there standing with there arms around u.

[Joel]

Every single person in the world will probably ask that question at some point in their life. The best answer i can give you is...love is what YOU make it. I can only answer from my perspective.

[Lee]

You feel nervous always around someone do u automatically smile when seeing them if u do that is the beginning of love when it comes to the point when you cannot live without someone by your side knowing you have them and they have you dependent on each other i believe that is love. i haz love for my gf. 

[Connor]

14-19 years of age its a deluded illusion 
20-30 your mature enough to find someone who reflect you in every way. They say it is forever binding but if you ask yourself 'can i honestly say i can spend 50 years with this person?' thats my interpretation of love.

[Parik]

Love iz a feeling that you can't describe, a connection of 2 ppl beyond anythin u experience with sum1 else. ther presence nd memories of them ignite a feelin of happiness deep inside. 

[Ivy]

urmm i'll say when you think about someone always, care about them a hell of a lot and see a future with him/her and just love spending time with each otherr?

[Rhian]

Chemical reaction maybe? Even though its a nice though to think that people are made for each other, in reality, its all just survival. I do think that people are only capable of falling truly in love once... and wen they do, it should be for life but sometimes things get in the way. 

[Darren]

i think love is just really liking someone or something really

im not sure that love is really an emotion

or even exists 

[Anneka] 

hhhmmm a feeling of warmth and passion towards another human being caused by the mixture and realising of chemicals in the brain and body .... :D!

[Gina]

 baby, don't hurt meee

don't hurt meee

no more

 i can't explain love really.

I've never BEEN in love.

but i love people. its kind of an unconditional thing. you'd do anything for them

[Ilham]

 Hmmmm

 Is when you love someone in different extend

 That could be ur family or anyone else

 But I dnt knw really personally

[Omran] 

okay in simple terms: id say its when 2 people are attracted to one another.

[Ross]

i think loves when every minute spent with a person feels special and when your not with them thats all you think about, dunno tho lol but only one person makes you feel like that..

[Princess Lauren]

here yuu woud do anything for the person and just wanna see them all the time and when ur away from the person all yuu wanna do iss see them again

where* 

[Ben]

i dont know.. its different.... if you cant see yourself without them and still long to see them more and want to learn more...... that seems like love to me

[Khadija]

its like when u meet the person you love you get butterfilies when u meet u dont want them to leave u just want to stare at them all the time when ur with them its like there is nothing else in the world just u and him when he calls u get nervous

when ur with him ur always smilling and never wanting him to leave 

[Eyliea]

you cant describe love you have to experience it 

[Brian]

love is blind..

love is kind

love is found deep in da heart.

love doesnt care wat people think, love is careless, love is hopeless

[Faisal]  

Love is alot of things

And a very srtong word

[Jafel]

Lol.... Wow well you cant really give a straight question to that

However what i can say is that There is no love without jealousy or tears. 

[Nia]

lol i have no idea tbh

its a strong affection towards others

[Matthew]

erm i've got no idea tbh i guess its just where you can totally be yourself around someone and care for them.

[Ayan]

id probably say its more of a mind set than an emotion

[Mrs McMillan]

is all things and everything. it's god's gift in a very odd world.

[Lauren] 

Accepting and wanting someone for everything they are not just somethings.

[Madhvi]

 i think its when you would do anything for that person

 and when you cant stop

  thinking about them

 yeah, basically when you would sacrifice yourself for that person

 cos with family, you would do anything

 and its the same

[Alex]

A giant shiny rainbow of happiness that rides through fields of flowers, upon a magical unicorn, firing glitter in all directions whilst angels sing in its arrival from a boat pulled by mermaids made of solid gold and if you look directly at it it causes instantaneous orgasms and mild levitation. 

That's love 

 [Daniel england]

Love is the greatest feeling in the world, it is when you love someone that no one else is physically attractive but the one you love. the same person being stuck in your head 24/7 and when you try not to think of that person the thoughts are even stronger. The huge smile and bubbly feeling that is set off inside when his/her name is mentioned, them being the first thought when you wake up & the last thought when you go to sleep. the strength to stand together through the worst of storms, the easyness of conversation, the comfortableness felt when laying or being with that person, the fact that silence isnt awkward, missing the person when they're not around, being able to talk bout anything, have your own space to do what you want, no worry of cheating. the bible says ''Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres'' which pretty much for me somes it up :)

[Ben]
Love is the feeling which takes place between two people, which may result in many changes to the body. For example: Getting butterflies in your stomach when you see them or even hear the voice of the one you love. Love can also be shown through actions of which you take...... i honestly fell that if you love someone then you will be willing to do anything for that one person. For example a parent will go to any lengths necessary to both protect and provide a better  quality of life for their child. I also feel that id you love someone you will never grow bored or tired of them, you may spend every second of everyday with each other and yet the relationship between the two people will still be just as fresh, raw and exciting as it was from the first moment you set eyes on each other. 

[Sammie] 

Love is when  you can't stop thinking about someone every day and wanting to be with them. And just when two people enjoy each others company. 

[Riana]

Love is tat first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way. Love is when you go out to and give somebody most of your french fries without make them five you any of theirs. Love is when someone hurts you and you get so mad, but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings. Love is what makes you smile when you're sad . Love is when you kiss all the time, then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk. Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no when you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore.  

[Hannan]

Love is a feeling that is too strong to even explain, i find that when you love something or someone it comes almost like an addiction with a burst of many feelings such as happy times, sad times, laughter and cries. Never the less it's unconditional. 

[Nancy]

I believe that ( When you really in-love with your partner you feel like you can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete. 

Strangers - Now this was my favorite group out of the three and the most entertaining. Also check out for their unusual names. Yes i did enter random chat rooms to do this and yes it was scary but it was in the name of RESEARCH! 

When i asked all these people, i asked them all the same question " what is love?" and they gave me their answer. Not one of them said something horrible or  negative about love. Love is as much bad as it is good. Some people kill for love, and other abuse for it.....thinking it's for right when it's wrong. We all daydream about the good and positive that love will provide for us, but underneath it all we never like to talk/discuss about the bad [ just like embarrassing body issues ] and that hides underneath love's shadow. I feel that love could be something quite dangerous and scary to someone. Now i'm not here to scare you but for it to be a warning i guess and not to be blinded by love's Wonderful and mysterious.

One thing that did surprise me when doing this research was the fact is when i asked some people what is love? some people said "i don't know" or "I've never felt it" and so on. But the thing is, with a question so vague it has countless meanings and answers [kinda like religious books]  that no one can come up with a clear, clean cut, simple answer that everyone one will say "Yes i agree with you my fellow man" . However to know what love is you don't need to personally feel it, but also see it.

Seeing- one of our 5 sense we hold, rely and treasure. [some more than others]

We all know someone who has seen someone to be in love whether it's your parents, sister, brother, friends, cousins, grandparents ... the list could go on forever! but what i'm saying is that love could be answer by everyone! As children we gown up with fairy tail stories or Disney and have the classic story line of love. Now i know for sure that as children we have no acknowledgement of what love is but looking at programmes, your parents, the media and listening to stories you get a taste of what love is from a young age. [ Well witnessing the good bits anyways ] Everyone has a right to love. Everyone has a lover out there, just waiting to be reconiged. 


However if you want a personally view by going with experience then maybe "being in love" would be a slight advantage. 


Now i have gone through this blog wondering what people'e views on love is but to be honest the only view that should truly matter to you is your own

[ but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be open minded to hear others... cool ] 

[Nahida Umar]

Love is something that could maybe be expressed with words but i know it wouldn't justify it at all or comes close to it. Love is something that could be caught, strike you spontaneously or something that grows within time. It has the personality of being stubborn and won't stop fighting until you give it the attention it wants and needs.

It's something that could be expressed  physically and mentally, which is something that scares me quite a lot. It has a way of making you feel  weak, broken, lost or unknown but at the same time, loved, wanted and adored.

In my opinion love has never kept me awake, because i need to sleep in order to see your face or just your profile [ MAH! ]. Love is not thinking about you all the time, because when i do talk about you it wouldn't be special enough for me to go crazy over. Love has got nothing to do with finishing each other sentences or knowing what i'm thinking about, however you and the other person's emotions do become one like you are both injected within each other to feel one another pain.


Now i am not a person that "shows love" but that does not mean i don't receive any or give any away. It just means... i want my love to be seen with feeling, not eyes and ears. Not something to entertain others and not to discourage others to be within our company. I'm not blinded by love's game as i can admit i might of been for the first couple of months, thinking you can do no wrong and anything and everything you say is purely amazing, confident, with a hint of cockiness but yet still able to remain humble. Love is as much good as it's bad and lying that we don't argue would be false advertising because we do, which i am not ashamed to confess because in the end it makes you stronger. Even though love is strong, powerful and moving it won't stop the shouting, the arguing, the disagreements and opinionated differences.

What love is to me, is that interaction you have with that person that no one can see. That warm feeling in your body is real,  I feel the blood increases and spreads around the body faster than the minute before. My heart glows with love and passion combining with that heat which is dangerous as i can't control it. If i ignore it, it just grows more until i do something about it or if i don't, then my heart which was once filled with love will be replaced with regret and questions. Love is personal as i only feel those feelings for one person and only that one. Love is that tool to help each other support one another when one gets weak, because if I fall, I need you to help me get up again as i would do for you. I need to be strong when you get weak and vice versa. 

That's just the way love goes [well for me.]


Much Love 
Nahida Umar 
xx 

I happily invite you " the reader" to a beautiful event, where you will be witnessing and celebrating the ways of "my opinion" of marriage... or not

I'm back writing blogs as I've finished college ...
[ yes the whole two years has come to an end ]

To clear things up [ like there were any rumors about myself to begin with ] is:

• No i am not married
• No i do not plan on getting married anytime soon
• No i do not have kids
  [ I like to see myself as being old fashioned and wanting to get married first then having kids]
• Yes i do enjoy puzzles
   And
• No i am not worried about ANY of that stuff!

Wedding - noun - a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.


But weddings
weddings
wed-dings
weddings is a weird word ... well any word is if you say it a couple of times over and over again.

Weddings..... What to think of them?

Are they over rated? Are they understated?

Is it money being thrown away or money well spent?

Now i'm half Asian so that makes half of family crazy  very delighted in the topics of education, religion and marriage. Now 2 out of the 3 are not so bad, and i do have times where i just can't be bothered getting out of bed and think my life would be better if i got married, was a house wife, have babies and make myself look pretty everyday. But strangely that image is my motivation of wanting to get an education and to finish school with some sort of degree or whatever. Religion is a light subject that this blog is not about, so lets skipped to marriage! [next please!]

Is marriage  something like ( going back to the mental age of 8) and think that that prince charming is coming to take them away and live a lovely and beautiful life. Thinking that you could talk to animals and the only friends you will have are short men named after adjectives... To be honest i was more the kid that would watch adverts and have an endless supply of cheese and milk and BABY I'M IN HEAVEN!

What i don't get is when someone says "i have dreamt of my dream wedding since i was a little girl" okay let me just correct you..

1. You have no power on what you can and can't dream of....you just go with the flow .. this ain't Inception!

2. Little Girl, Like really.... i think someone exaggeration here.

I just don't know what to think of them anymore.Maybe because a lot of people's weddings have been heading my way and it got me thinking that maybe people are looking at me. Thinking of setting me up with their cousins, brothers, sister's son.[ Huh? ]

Now i know what you're thinking ..... what people?
Maybe i'm being paranoid ... maybe i should lay off the chicken but we all know that ain't going to happen!

Weddings is the opportunity where you see relatives that you haven't seen for quite a while and getting random-ers who "say they know the family" saying the classic line of  "do you not remember me?" and pretending to get offended crap let me just say that it isn't going to make me feel bad, as i was only 5 years old the last time i saw you]

[ i barely remember what i wore 2 weeks ago let alone your face]

I usually think about the food when i attend anyone's wedding [ nothing personal ] and hope that the food was worth the 1 hour of getting ready just to look "acceptable". Also for the camera's and moving monitor and feeling the pervy camera man doing the occasional zoom on you every now and then, not thinking that everyone who came to the wedding is going to want to see the video once the event is over.

I like to play the game of who the camera guy found most attractive:  not a hard game to play, very very simple as you just concentrate and notice who he likes to point the camera to the most. [ canceling the bride and groom obviously ]


I tend to notice when  the camera man does give me unneeded attention, even through i'm clearly making direct angry eye contact with him and continuously moaning about when the food is coming to my mum. [ Like she knows ] My mum always says it's rude and no one will want to come to my wedding and i would always reply without hesitation  "Good! i don't want all these people at my wedding anyway, less money to spend.... and who said there is going to be a wedding anyway?." however the present giving is still on the table if anyone wanted to know!

Marriage is a BIG thing and something that consist of commitment, love, struggle, pain and happiness but mostly and personally "being realistic". I think realistic is one of words i dislike most in life but in this situation i guess it is in the top 5. Can you see yourself with this person for a long long time? do you feel that they bring out the best in you? can you support each other? will you still love each other after the "honeymoon phase"?

It's getting serious and i don't like it. However i just want to make it clear that marriage is something that will not be in my life for a L-O-N-G time. Now if that is a off-putting quality about me then so be it! However i just wish people who take it seriously knowing that this is for the long run, because like i see it some people might think divorce is kind of  a safety net. Thinking that if it doesn't work out then they could just take that road [ obviously not as easy and simple as that ] but what i want to know is..... if there was no such thing as divorces [ just roll with it ] then would people take the risk of getting married? would people be more cautious about it and result into fewer marriages?

The only way i could answer these questions if you give me time [ like 20 years ] or all of a sudden i was married tomorrow, which we know it isn't going to happen.

I think my case of weddings has come to an end, however i do invite you to my next blog entry and hope you make it. Tell as much people, as they are all invited but also don't forget my gift!
Just let my know asap!

Lots of Love
Nahida xx